Ugh- I suppose you're wondering why I'm not at school today. A very understandable reason: I got attacked by angry monster monkeys on my way to Fairy Princess land who told me I looked fat in that shirt and made me cry so now I am emotionally scarred for life and too miserable and desolute to go to school. What, you really believed that? I felt sick just now. ie diarrhoea, head swimming, felt like puking, fever, etc, etc. and am now pretty okay even though I still have a mild headache. And no, I am not faking sick just to skip school, bozos.

I suspect my reason for falling ill is due to the fact that I have terribly awful hair. Got it cut yesterday. 'What?' you say. 'How is it that you are sick because of a bad haircut?!!' The answer is simple. My body, seeing my bad haircut, is horrified and is refusing to subject me to such torture and shame that will be inflicted upon me when my classmates first catch sight of me. There. A perfectly logical reason. Just don't laugh when I go to school tomorrow with my fuglily short hair.